Cornfield Chronicles: Day -23
Considering Christmas is five days away, one would think that “a giddy schoolgirl” of my age would be excited. That is completely false. Instead, I look forward to another, more auspicious date: January 12th, when I will be setting out for DeKalb (or, as I have just discovered the locals call it, “Deck Ulb”).
Instead of asking for fancy electronics or gizmos or scented tampons like other females my age, I will instead be looking forward to receiving advanced fieldwork equipment including, but not limited to: special graphite pencils (suitable for writing on a variety of surfaces, including paper), sandals with special, no-slip traction (for use in the—rather uncleanly—communal bathing house), a robe (specially fabricated to hide my vulnerable white flesh from the Niu males, who are typically a drunk and horny bunch), a special ruler (for measuring both length and for the drawing of straight lines), razors (for hair removal), a stapler (for the joining together of papers), a calender (for keeping track of days, and for counting down to the rare moments when I will be able to escape the barbaric wasteland), and many others.
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