Cornfield Chronicles: Day 5
I have moved to the exotic, snowy wastes of DeKalb, and the learning curve among the natives has been terrifyingly sharp. I have been exposed to creatures and people and habits the likes of which I have never seen. I have eaten the local cuisine, and find that it will take some getting used to. I have slept on a sad, creaky cot provided to me by the village of Niu, and spent the first few hours huddled up in my compartment.
Let me tell you about the specifics:
The food here is a weird imitation of the delecacies I am used to eating back home. They are even called by the same name, but the quality is much lower, and the ingredients must be different, probably including beeltes or something similar, for the taste is quite odd. I have, nevertheless, gotten used to it.
The people of the village of Niu mostly live in large, communal buildings, built by their ancestors long ago, in ancient times. These buildings are divided up into compartments, terribly cramped things, and then assign TWO people to live in the SAME compartment. I have thus far been sharing space with one of the locals. I find her behavior patterns odd, but not nearly so odd as some of the others I have witnessed. I believe I will learn much by this opportunity to closely study her.
The sleeping accomidations in this compartment are most deplorable by my first-world standards, but going by the quality of the average sleeping accommodations here, I believe that it is quite normal. I only hope I do not develop scoliosis.
Finally, and most excitingly, I believe that I have discovered a new subspecies of Homo sapien while in DeKalb. The males of this subspecies (which are the only specimens I have thus far encountered) play a stringed instrument known in my homeland as a “guitar.” These males play mostly, it seems, when there are females around, in an attempt to make themselves seem deep and sensitive. These males are quite fond of using the word “gay,” as in: “This song is so gay,” “Man, that is so gay,” and “hahahaha…so gay…hahahaha.” I have named this subspecies Homo douchebagus [ho-mo doosh-bag-us].
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